"Bless Your Heart"

     Knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what God wants you to do with the rest of your life as a ministry is really exciting. If you aren't at that place yet then I truly and earnestly pray that God will take you there at some point. It's thrilling. I don't mean being in a place where you know exactly what is going to happen, when it is going to happen, and what it will look like. I hate to disappoint, but that won't happen. That isn't how God works and, to be totally honest, I love that. It is terrifying, but it forces us to fully trust and realize that we serve a God that will give us precisely what we need precisely when we need it, whether we think that it's what we need or not. Our willingness to allow God to fully control our life will lead to more blessings than we could ever imagine.

     I'm in that place now.  I know a lot of people will doubt when I say that and come back with a "you're too young to REALLY know" or "you have plenty of time. Explore a little bit!" and I can understand where those people are coming from. I am young. I'm only twenty years old, how could I possibly know what I'm meant to do for the rest of my life? That's crazy. That's also God's hand in my life.

     Now, anyone who knows me at all, or has spent even five minutes talking to me, know what God's will is for me because I openly and gladly share it with anyone willing to ask and genuinely listen to my response. I love talking about it. That's one thing that is so amazing about being sure of God's plan and work in your life. You want to share it with anyone and everyone. I could literally talk about how God has worked and is working in my life for hours and not get tired of it. The same can't be said for whoever I may be talking to, unless they have seen first hand the fruits of it in my life. Just in case you don't know, I want to work with middle school students. I don't know what that is going to look like. I might be teaching in a school. I might be working at a church. I might work with a traveling ministry. I might start a ministry of my own. (That last one is laying really heavy on my heart, but that's another topic entirely). However that is manifested in my life, I have no doubt that it is God's will for me. That's where my heart is. That is what literally every aspect of my life somehow connects with. Middle School students are my mission field and I am completely thrilled with that fact. Everyone else I speak to does not share the same enthusiasm.

     Typically, when I tell people what I want to do I get one of two responses. First, I am greeted with heart warming, wonderful enthusiasm. This usually includes something along the lines of "That is so GREAT!! God will use you there. I'm so happy for you!" and I live for those responses. The other response I get is a sort of hesitant, reluctant "Oh, bless your heart. That is going to be TOUGH. Good luck with that!". I know that the people who respond that way have no intention of being rude, and I truly can't fault them for t, but I also don't think that they realize how heartbreaking that kind of response is. Obviously it is hurtful to me personally because that is what my heart is passionate about and they unintentionally treat it like it isn't worthy, but that isn't the most prominent reason that it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because that kind of response tells me that people view middle school STUDENTS as not worthy. I understand that middle school is a difficult age. Believe me, I have had plenty of first hand experience with just how difficult dealing with middle school students can be, but that doesn't mean that we should shy away from those kids. That's the last thing that they need. Middle school is difficult enough as it is without being treated like a pesky little problem that will hopefully fade away if it isn't paid too much attention. I firmly believe that middle school aged students are facing one of the most difficult transitions of their lives. They want so badly to be treated like adults, but at the same time they are still very much children. They are given more freedom at school, but not at home. They are fighting to figure out who they are, who they can trust and call a friend, and who they need to steer clear of. Obviously, they won't figure all of this out right away, but that's all the more reason for them to have someone there for when they mess up and fall down.

     That's what God has put on my heart. I want to be a person who can be there for these kids in whatever capacity they need. If they need encouragement then I pray that God will give me the words that they need to hear. If they need a shoulder to cry on then I pray that God will give me the strength to be there and help bear whatever burden they are carrying. If they need discipline then I pray that God will give me the solidarity and mindset to discipline them from a place of love and use the time as a teaching tool. My daily prayer is that I am willing to be used by God in whatever way HE needs because that will serve the students best.

     Another reason that the second response breaks my heart is because it sells those students short. The flippancy with which middle school students are so often addressed is infuriating. I will be the first to admit that middle school students are often frustrating and difficult to work with, but that is precisely WHY I love working with them. How can we possibly help them grow into the respectable, Godly adults that they can be if we only view them as silly, difficult children who are too frustrating to work with? That's simple. We won't. It won't be easy to deal with the students and sometimes they will make you want to pull your hair out, but I promise you, with everything that I have in me, that it WILL be worth it. I have stood on a stage in front of over 100 middle school students and watched them pour their hearts out in worship to the God that placed me in their lives. I have sat in a room full of eighth grade girls and listened to them discuss the scripture lesson and apply it to their lives in ways that I never would have. I have laughed and cried with middle school students who view the world in a way so much deeper than I would have thought they could have. Once they realize that they have someone who believes in them wholeheartedly and will support and love them no matter what they have blossomed. If you are reading this and you have ever thought of middle school students as simple, silly, difficult children I only have one request. Please rethink that. Please do not sell those kids short. Spend some time with them. Get to know them. Listen to them. Really, truly take the time to listen to what they have to say. Give them a chance to reach their full potential. Support their ideas, no matter how crazy they might seem to you. Love them with everything you have and watch them blossom. I promise that God will surprise you.

   

Unconditionally

     God has a funny way of reminding us of His love and His presence in ways that are not what we would ever expect. If I am being completely honest, school this semester has been a struggle. My heart isn't in it as much as it usually is and that is absolutely terrifying. I have know since the moment that my feet hit this campus my junior year of high school that Mars Hill was where I was meant to be. It was home. I felt safe here. That all changed this semester. Nothing has really changed academically, in fact, I love my classes more than usual this semester, but spiritually and emotionally something is different. My heart is somewhere else and I have no idea where that somewhere else is. I think that may be the scariest part for me, the not knowing. I have always been the one who knew. I knew where I was going to college. I knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Now, God is changing everything and I feel totally lost. It's like I don't know anything and the feeling of utter uselessness that stems from that is paralyzing.

     I suppose I should come full circle to why I am actually writing this. This past weekend I went home for about a day and half partially to see a show, but also because I just needed to get off campus. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something felt wrong and I needed to be at home. I needed to have my family wrapped all around me. I needed that familiar and welcome suffocation of love. I didn't get as much time as I would have liked, but the time that I did have was cherished and well spent. On the drive back Saturday I was dreading getting back into my "School" mindset so, to distract myself, I was scanning radio stations looking for something to listen to. My radio paused on a song that I had never heard, but something made me stop and listen for a while. The song ended up being Katy Parry's new song "Unconditionally" and as I listened God just broke my heart. It sounded eerily familiar and, for whatever reason, I just knew that this was what my heart needed. The song is relatively simple

Oh no, did I get too close?
Oh, did I almost see
What's really on the inside?
All your insecurities
All the dirty laundry
Never made me blink one time

 

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

 

So come just as you are to me
Don't need apologies
Know that you are all worthy
I'll take your bad days with your good
Walk through the storm I would
I do it all because I love you
I love you l love you

 

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

 

So open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart

Acceptance is the key to be
To be truly free
Will you do the same for me?

 

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
And there is no fear now
Let go and just be free
'Cause I will love you unconditionally (oh yeah)

I will love you
I will love you
I will love you unconditionally
so i will love you unconditionally

 

I couldn't help but wonder as I weakly attempted to hold back my tears if this was exactly the message that I refused to hear from my heavenly Father over the past however many weeks that I had been struggling and practically drowning in my own mind. Isn't this exactly what God tells us every day? Isn't this exactly what we refuse to believe, no matter how often we hear it?

 

I think that the second half of the first verse is the most powerful message that Christians and non-Christians alike can ever hear. "All your insecurities, all the dirty laundry, never made me blink one time." It's so matter of fact. It's so simple. It is pure truth that God is telling us daily and we refuse to accept it. Why is that? Are we scared? Are we ashamed? Do we think that once we are totally honest and open about everything that we have done then God will all of a sudden change his mind and walk away from us? He won't! That's the beauty of this message. That's the beauty of God's grace and never ending love. No matter how many times we turn our backs and walk away HE is always there, holding out his arms, pleading with us to hear Him. To accept His offer of unconditional love. Isn't that all we've ever really wanted? 

Break Every Chain.

        I wish so much that this could be one of those cute, fluffy, silly blogs where I apologize for being MIA for so long, pick up where I left off, and run, but it's not. I wish I could say that I've just been busy and that's why my blog hasn't been updated, but that would only be half true. I have been busy. I've been out of town on a mission trip, so I haven't exactly had time to write, but in all honesty I've been avoiding this post. It's not bad. In fact, it's really good, it's just powerful. I haven't been sure how to approach it. I don't know how to share my heart this time. This one goes deep. This one is mine. This one is so good that it's almost painful. This is the story of my life changed.
        A little back story. If you've been following my blog at all this summer then you know what I'm doing. If you haven't been following, then let me catch you up. I'm in Alabama for the summer. I am working at a church here. I am working with high school and middle school students. I am totally in love with every single part of it. My responsibilities for my internship include going on mission trips with the students. Atlanta was a few weeks ago with the high school kids and it was great. I loved it. I got to know them and see how their ministry lives and works. Wonderful.
        If I am being completely honest, I was a little bit nervous about the middle school trip. I hadn't had as much time with these kids. I didn't know them as well. I wasn't sure how they were going to accept me, or if they were at all. I knew this trip would be more difficult. Less sleep, more drama. I didn't know if I was fully prepared for it. Thank the Lord I wasn't. The middle school mission trip to Monroe, Louisiana was probably the single most amazing thing that God has done in my life up to this point. My students, and yes I do feel comfortable referring to them as mine, are absolutely wonderful. There was no much worship taking place last week. God was tangible. You could practically taste His presence whenever we were all gathered together. Not to mention the staff of the ministry we were at was phenomenal. They made the week run smoothly and were just fun to be around.
        Almost every part of last week was great, but our group worship time every night before lights out was on an entirely different level. Tyler asked me a few weeks before the trip if I would help lead worship on the trip. I agreed, but I was a little bit nervous. No one here had heard me sing. I had never helped lead corporate worship like this. Would I be good enough? Would the kids like it? Would it minister to the students? I was practically a basket case. It turns out, as it usually does where God is involved, that all of my worrying and stress was for no reason. God took hold of our band last week and worked in ways that I never could have imagined. The third night of the trip we started like we had the two nights prior and it went well. We had some share time for students to tell their stories up to that point of the week and the stories of how God worked were heart warming and fantastic. We were content with how Wednesday night had gone. We thought it was awesome.

God had other plans.

There is no explanation for what happened next other than God grabbed hold of our worship and flipped it on its head. Once we finished our closing set we expected the kids to file out and hit the showers like they always did, but to our surprise there were kids all over the gym. Still worshiping. Still praying. Broken hearted for their friends. In tears for how they had personally hurt the heart of their God and how they had strayed in their life. They sat in the floor or on the bleachers or stood in circles or in the corners. They prayed over each other. They cried out to Abba. They didn't want to stop. We didn't make them. After almost an hour we decided to do another worship set and it was beautiful. We didn't leave the gym until almost 1am. Even at that point the students were fighting us tooth and nail to stay and keep worshiping. That was one of the moments God used from that trip to change my life.
        The final night was another one. Thursday night was planned to be special. It was our last night there and we wanted it to be something that the students would remember. We had stations set up around the gym. There was a communion station, a foot washing station, a praise wall, a journaling station, and a prayer station called 'Nail it to the Cross'. The theme of worship Thursday night was freedom in worship. We wanted the kids to embrace the spirit and whatever it was leading them to do. There was a solid group in front of the stage that was just enthralled by the music and how God was working through that, but there were also plenty of students filtering through the different stations all night. The sheer length of that worship service is what amazes me. We started to worship at 8:45 and ended our corporate worship time a little after midnight. Almost four hours of soul-filling, heart-freeing worship with these beautiful middle school students that I continue to fall more and more in love with. Not only how long we worshiped, but the fact that we weren't tired when we finished. Physically, yes we were tired, but emotionally and spiritually we were on fire! I am still breathlessly in awe of just how much God is changing the lives of these kids. They are not just going to change the world for their Jesus. No. They are going to tear this world apart and rebuild it in the image of how God wants it to be.
        We all witnessed the power of God so powerfully last week. In every aspect of our trip, His presence and power was right there. One example of God's power that stands out in my mind is the band's prep time for worship. By the time Wednesday and Thursday night rolled around we were exhausted. We hadn't slept well, we were running around crazy all day, it was hot, we were sweaty. It just was not a fun time. Wednesday before worship started I was so tired that I could barely keep myself upright. None of the songs were going right in rehearsal and I was getting frustrated. I was on the verge of tears. The band could tell. I was frayed and worn. I needed a boost. During our group prayer time I asked the band if they could just lift me up in prayer because I was tired and didn't know how I would make it through our set that night. We had a prayer for the set and that it went well and then JT, our worship leader for the week (who is all kinds of Jesus-loving wonderful) asked Ryan to come and pray over the other vocalist and me. He prayed for healing and restoration. He prayed that God would fill us and give us exactly what we needed for that night of worship. God delivered. He delivered in a mighty way. As soon as Ryan began to pray over us I felt my exhaustion slowly slipping away. I was wide awake and ready to spend my night praising the one who fearfully and wonderfully made me. As soon as I realized what was happening I just started crying. There was no other response. I was overwhelmed and amazed and in awe of the God that I serve. A similar thing happened Thursday night leading up to our big night. I will gladly and openly tell you that we did not make it through those nights on our own. I had no strength left in me and God stepped in, put his hands on me, and held me up.
        I am constantly being amazed by the power of my God. My Abba. The One who created the entire universe and knit each of us together in exactly the way He wanted. He is all powerful. He can do ANYTHING that he wants to. Why do I so often doubt His strength? Why is He not the first one I go to when I have a bad day or my road gets rough? Why do I so often think that I can't bring my problems before God? I have been so convicted this last week. I claim Christianity and I say that I am a daughter of the King, but when it comes right down to it, I don't trust him! I have seen God's power first hand this week in a way that I have never seen. I have been shown, through so many people and so many circumstances, that prayer really is powerful, but not just the words of prayer. We are told that the spirit and power of Christ dwells in us. What would happen if American Christians began to pray and actually call on the power of Christ that we have in us? What if we ACTUALLY BELIEVED what we are told in scripture? I can tell you exactly what would happen. We would change the world. My sweet, wonderful, awkward, hilarious, God-filled middle school students witnessed the power of God in the same way that I did this week. I am just here to send out a message.

WE ARE AN ARMY RISING UP TO BREAK EVERY CHAIN.

We WILL tear this world apart with the message of Christ that we are. Be prepared.

Friendship Bracelets & Dippin' Dots

My host family is wonderful and I am so thankful for them, but I feel like I never get to see them! Either I'm gone on a trip or they're at the beach. I think I've only had maybe two solid weeks of us all being here at the same time. I was in Atlanta, then we had about two weeks, then they were at the beach this past week, and now I leave Monday for Louisiana. It's crazy! I am certainly looking forward to seeing them tonight, even if it's only for a little bit. I missed them, but their trip may have been a little bit of a blessing in disguise. Since they were gone all week I had to relocate to a temporary host home. I'll admit that I was a little nervous. It's hard enough to adjust to ONE new house, how would I handle having to do it twice?! Well, this family made that no issue. They are absolutely wonderful and I am so glad that God put me with them this week. The mom is the director of pre-school ministry at the church and she is a hoot. She has boundless energy and loves to just sit and talk. Her husband is hilarious. He has a very dry sense of humor, but I think it's hilarious. The girls are absolutely wonderful. One going into eighth grade and one going into third and I adore them. One day last weekend we sat for probably a little over an hour making friendship bracelets and it was so much fun! They are precious and I'm going to miss seeing them when I get back to my host home tonight. I have such a wonderful time with this family this week. They took me in with no hesitation and I became a part of their family for the week. I made tie-dye cupcakes with the girls on Wednesday night, sat up late talking with them, had dinner and lunch with them as often as I could, went and got Dippin' Dots with them after dinner, and just spent time with them. The mom is from North Carolina, which was a God send this week since I have been homesick as of late. I can't even adequately put into words how much of a blessing this family has been to be this week. I am forever grateful and once again amazed at how God works out even the smallest things for us.

Not only has this family been an enormous blessing, but I am falling more and more in love with these students. The fact that every time I see one of the girls from my Sunday school class or small group they are genuinely excited to see me and introduce me to whoever they're with (even if it's friends!) makes my heart so happy. I am excited to go on this mission trip with them and see how God is going to use them in the lives of the kids we're working with in Louisiana. The high school group is all kinds of wonderful too. A few students in particular have made me smile this week. On Tuesday I had the opportunity to hang out with some of the guys for a few hours and it was so much fun. Initially they were helping us sand down wood blocks for a project, but it turned into a trip to Dippin' Dots before heading to middle school house church to lead worship. Such an amazing time. That was probably one of the highlights of the week. It was the first time I had sung for the middle school group, so I was nervous, as usual, but the guys that lead with me took that away in no time. The guys are crazy and hilarious and remind me so much of my small group guys at home that it's almost like I'm not away at all. I am so thankful that they are willing to let me in and spend time with me and not feel weird because I'm not 'one of the guys'. They will never know how much they have blessed me. There are also some girls that I have gotten close to. Sisters that remind me so much of my best friend and her little sister that it's insanity. I got to hang out with them Thursday night at the Freedom Celebration and it was fun. We've made plans to go to the art museum in Birmingham on one of my days off. I can't wait! I am constantly amazed by how my God orchestrates things exactly how he wants them and most of the time I have no idea what he's doing for me until after the fact. I have met so many amazing new people here this summer, but I have also found people who feel like home. This place and these people will forever hold a piece of my heart.

-C

Highs and Lows

Any type of new adventure is bound to have high points and low points. That's just the way life works. I knew what I was getting into when I accepted the position here in Trussville. I knew that I would have really great moments and that I'd have moments that weren't too great. That was inevitable. I did not, however, expect some of those moments to happen simultaneously. Is that even possible? Is it possible to have a great moment and a not so great moment at the same time? Well, it is. It happened. To me.

I prefer to hear bad news first so there's nowhere to go but up, so I'll start with lows.

 The low moments have been mostly personal, especially within the last few days. I had to have a really difficult conversation with someone that I really care about last night and it was not a good time. If you know me at all, then you know that I HATE confrontation. I am not the person who is ok with telling someone when I'm mad or upset with them. I don't want to cause problems or make a situation worse, so usually I walk away for a few minutes and keep my mouth shut. I had already tried that approach with this situation, so I  had to bite the bullet and confront this person with how I was feeling. The conversation was tough and there were tears involved and I felt worlds better after, but the time leading up to the phone call was absolutely miserable. I was literally making myself sick thinking about having to make this call. I dreaded dialing that number and putting the phone to my ear. I had no idea how this person would react and that was scary. Not knowing results is also a tension point for me, so all of that piling up was draining all of my energy.

Another low point for this week was homesickness. I ADORE my family. I am probably the ultimate homebody. My ideal evening is sitting on the couch with mom and daddio, watching a movie, eating popcorn. That sounds absolutely HEAVENLY to me. It's not just mom and daddio, either. I would love to do that with pretty much any member of my family. They are, without a doubt, the most important thing in my world, so not having them with me has been really difficult. I love Trussville and the people that I have met here and the students who have taken me in and accepted me in all my awkward glory and for the longest time I wasn't homesick in the slightest. That may seem silly, but that's an enormous deal for me. Usually I'm ready to pack up and roll out by the time I've been away from home for about three days, so making it three WEEKS without homesickness creeping in was amazing. Even now, my homesickness isn't cripling, but it's there and it's noticable. One thing that has been a trigger for it has been Wagon Wheel. It's on the radio all the time, so it's an almost constant reminder of home. That hasn't been easy, but I've learned to sort of use it as encouragement instead of detriment. My team at work and my amazing host family have certainly served to lessen the pain and I am forever thankful for them and their willingness to take me in a love me like I was one of their own.

So, there are my low points. Now for the fun part. My high points!

I got a VERY exciting phone call on saturday. My best friend! For some reason we decided that we wanted to torture ourselves this summer and pretty much go for weeks and weeks without speaking. That was a bad plan. He is up in Maryland right now teaching archery and ropes courses to eleven year old boys (bless his heart) and, as you can imagine, that takes up pretty much all of his time. Not only is he busy, but most of the time he doesn't even have his phone on him or near him, much less facebook. Hearing from him was exactly what I needed.

I feel like I brag on my work team all the time, but believe me, they are fully deserving of it. Megan spoke sunday night at our high school house church and oh my stars, it was phenominal. She opened up herself and let God use her and speak through her and did he ever! I never thought that comparing Christians and the gospel to a pair of work pants would make any kind of sense, but it was perfect. God's presence was so powerful in that living room full of eager high schoolers that you could almost taste it. Not only did Megan allow herself to be a blessing, but then the high school girls in our smaller group session were wonderful. I sat in the back of the group and just sort of observed and God pointed every single word that these beautiful girls said straight to my heart. They didn't even know it, but they were feeding me and pouring into my heart in exactly the way that I needed. I am so blessed by this youth group that sometimes it steals my words.

Finally, tonight. I am absolutely exhausted sitting here in the floor of my little room, but it is the most beautiful exhaustion I think I have ever felt. I had to opportunity to speak at middle school house church tonight. That was monumental for me. God has placed a call on my heart to middle school ministry and/or teaching and tonight was the first time that I was able to put that call into action in an actual, structured, large group, teaching setting. In a spirit of honesty, I was nervous. I was self-concious. I wanted the students to listen to what I had to say. I wanted them to like ME. I quickly came to the realization that the students liking ME wasn't what mattered as I planned out what I would say. These precious middle schoolers needed to hear whatever God wanted to say through me tonight. The topic was being a lukewarm Christian, which is never an easy topic for anyone, much less middle schoolers, who build thier entire lives around what their friends and peers think and do. It is so easy for students their age to get caught up in being 'good enough' to get by and not actually make God the most important thing in their life. My prayer tonight was that God use me to bring his message and that I speak the words that he gave me in love, not in judgement and I think He did. I have a very strange relationship with public speaking. I get stage fright. I psyche myself out leading up to whatever I have to do and make myself insanely nervous. I always have, which is funny, because the calling that God has placed on my life requires me to stand in front of groups of people and speak on a pretty regular basis. God certainly has a funny sense of humor. Anyhow, whenever I have to speak somewhere I get so nervous I can hardly stand it right up until I open my mouth. As soon as I actually start talking I am an entirely different person. I can confident and steady and solid. That is all God. There isn't any other explanation for it. I pray that the message that I brought tonight was used in the students' lives exactly how God needed it to be.

So, that's what my life has been like the last few days. I sometimes feel like I can't catch my breath, but I am loving every moment of this. I'm still not entirely sure why God put me where he did this summer, but I am starting to see small pieces of a bigger whole. I am anxiously awaiting whatever God has around the next corner and I'll try my best to keep you informed.

-C

Atlanta 2.0: Mission Trip Madness

So, my life lately has been absolute INSANITY. As you may remember, my first week on the job was mainly prep for our trip to Atlanta, which happened last week and it was absolutely wonderful. I was able to spend time with the students, get to know the kids I didn't know, and get closer to the people I did know.

One person that I met while on this trip was Haley. She was another one of the chaperons and she is AMAZING! She only about a year older than me and she and I became very fast friends. The self-conscious, scared, little girl part of me was nervous starting the trip with so many fellow leaders that I didn't know, but God showed me, once again, that I had no reason to be afraid. Haley is sweet and funny and adorable and awkward and so similar to me. She has been a God send these last few weeks and I am so thankful for her.

There was one students in particular that I really connected with on the trip. She is a getting ready to be a sophomore and she is me when I was in high school. It took a little while for her to open up, which I expected, but once she did I was absolutely amazed. She is the sweetest, quietest, kindest, strangest, most wonderful girl. Almost every thing that came out of her mouth was something that I have said or probably would say. I am really looking forward to where God allows that relationship to go.

Atlanta was wonderful and I am still amazed that God has been so gracious and giving to me this summer. This small Alabama town has completely stolen my heart and I am so thankful for everyone here.

C

Intern Adventures & Middle School Madness

I know that I said this would probably be a weekly thing, but I am so happy after the day I had that I just had to share it. So, even though yesterday was my first official day of work at FBCT, today was sort of  my first official, official day at work becase today was the day we actually did work things to prep for our mission trip to Atlanta next week. It was also the first time that I got the chance to interact with the middle schoolers. All in all, it was a pretty eventful, crazy, exhausting day.

The interns got to have all kinds of crazy adventures today. We were running from one end of the church to the other getting all kinds of things, which may sound simple, but keep in mind that the three of us sent on these little missions had no idea where we were going. It was exciting, to say the least. We had some unfortunate mishaps involving several rather large coolers (looking back, we realize one trip probably wasn't enough to transport 10+ coolers. Oh well.) I got to spend several minutes in a walk in freezer looking for popcicles (that didn't freeze), which was not a fun time because I am so unbelieveably cold natured. I think my favorite part of our Intern Adventures today was the shopping trip we took. Sending three college aged students to get a large list of game supplies was bound to get interesting. We learned rather quickly that we are very easily distracted. Also, no one in the Trussville area seems to carry the appropriate colored pony beads for Salvation Bracelets. That was a bummer. It took Megan, Ryan, and myself almost two hours, four different stores, two instances of knocking our heads on Megan's car, and countless laughs to FINALLY complete the list (except for those darn BEADS). The best part of the adventure was the bonding we got to do. I think we are finally getting to the point where we are a little more comfortable with each other, which is amazing. We also accidentally got to have some extra bonding time with some of our amazing high schoolers! We stopped to grab some lunch before heading back to the church and, lo and behold, the high school VBS workers (and Allie) had to same great idea we did. Needless to say, my work day was very exciting and full of craziness and adventure, which is obviously the best way to spend a work day.

After we were done with the work for the day (and after a MUCH needed coffee run) we had middle school house church. In all honesty, we did not have very high expectations for middle school house church. I don't say that to be mean, it's just the truth. It's always harder to get a lot of middle schoolers to house church because they can't drive themselves and people are busy. It's just how it is. We invited high school students to join us and help to lead small groups and we were expecting to have more high schoolers than middle schoolers. That was certainly NOT the case tonight at house church. There were a pretty good number of high schoolers, all of whom I am very thankful for, but there were SO MANY middle schoolers! The living room, kitchen, and dining room of the host house were PACKED!! I didn't get an exact count, but there had to be at least thirty middle schoolers jammed into this house, if not more. It was chaotic, loud, crazy, messy, and wonderful! We spent some time worshiping with Jesse and then watched a video that accompanies Francis Chan's "Crazy Love" (which was amazing, of course. It's Chan). Jesse spoke for a few minutes and then the real fun began. We got split up into our small groups. I was lucky enough to get three sweet eighth grade girls and I can't even put into words how excited I am about this small group. Tonight was just a tiny bit awkward, but that's to be expected on the first night. I mean, these girls got thrown with a total stranger and were expected to have a discussion. Obviously, there was some awkwardness. I'm sure my natural state of awkward didn't help, but we'll get there. All joking aside, I am extremely excited to get to love on and pour into these girls as much as I can this summer.  I would greatly appreciate your prayers and love as I continue this journey. These girls have so much potential in them and I just want to be able to nurture it and watch them bloom. I am open to more girls joining our group as the summer progresses, but I would be just as happy keeping my three.

I'll try and update as often as I can. Thank you in advace for your love, support, and prayers!

-C

P.S. if anyone is interested, this adorable little chair has become my new favorite spot. So comfy!

Abounding Apologies & Dramatic Developments

So, as I am certain anyone who reads this, if anyone does at all, can tell, I am fairly terrible at keeping up with this. I love the idea of it, but I just get busy and life gets crazy and other things get in the way and I lose track of it all. I apologize for that. I will do my very best to maintain some sense of order for as long as I am able, but will make no solid promises.

Now that my apology has been made, I wold like to share some exciting things that have been happening in my life lately. First, I think that God knew what he was doing when he had me title this thing "New Beginning" becuase my life seems to be inundated with just that, especially lately. I have done so much since my last update, including completing my sophomore year of college, changing my major TWICE (finally settled on Middle Grades Education. YAY!), accepting a scholarship position at a church near school (by which I also gained a second, precious, wonderful church family), and most recently (and most exciting) starting an internship with middle and high school students at a church.

Typically, me doing some sort of summer internship is NOT that exciting. I mean, this is the norm for me, right? I'm always working with students during the summer, so what? Well, this internship is exciting and new and scary and exhilirating and wonderful because......drum roll......I am in an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STATE. That's right, I have relocated to Trussvile, Alabama for the summer. I am almost seven hours away from home and that is probably one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me. I am a home body. I love being with my family. I love spending time with the people I love, so what in the world would posses me to come all the way down to Trussville, Alabama for TEN WEEKS?! There is really only one answer I have for that. God. This was completely a God thing. It was totally chance that I happened upon this church, then one thing lead to another and God put me here. I've only been here for two days (today was my first official day) and I am already completely in love with it. The students I have met are wonderful, the staff is all nice and helpful, and the team I'm on is wonderful.

Let me take a minute to acclimate you with everything.

My Position:

I am officially a Student Ministry Summer Intern at First Baptist Church Trussville, Alabama. That means that I get to hang out with super awesome high school and middle school students all summer. There will be some office work and logistics in there too, but mostly it's pouring into students and loving on them. I get to go on trips with them (Atlanta, Georgia and Monroe, Louisiana), be with them sunday mornings, hang out sunday and tuesday nights at house church, and basically just get to know them and their awesome selves. It's going to be AMAZING!

My team:

Jeff: Jeff is the high school minister at FBCT and he is CRAZY! He is loads of fun, loves to hammock, has an awesome family, is a Braves fan, loves Auburn football, and (unfortunately) loves Duke basketball. The most important thing about Jeff is that he LOVES his students. He knows everyone by name and is genuinely interested in how their lives are going. It's heart-warming.

Tyler: Tyler is the middle school minister at FBCT and he is the first person I got in contact with. He is vacationing this week (lucky dog), so I have not had the chance to meet him yet. I have spoken to him on the phone and via e-mail and he seems great! I promise I'll update on him when he gets home.

Allie: Allie is the Student Ministry Assistant and I only met her today, but I already love her. She is crazy fun to be around and extremely laid back. From what I can tell, Allie is the one who keeps the office in check and she rocks at it.

Megan: Megan is one of the four interns I'm working with this summer. She is 22, studying social work, absolutely gorgeous, and one of the sweetest people you will ever have the privilege to meet. She was the first person, aside from staff, that came up and said hello to me on sunday when my parents and I got to church. It is already clear to me that she will be such a joy to work with and probably a dear, sweet friend before the summer ends.

Ryan: Ryan is another intern. He grew up in the area, so he sort of knows the ropes already. At least he knows them better then I do. He is sweet, and funny, and tall. He is very laid back, but not afraid to have a good time and goof off a little with the students. Also, from what I hear, he is a Ping-Pong CHAMPION.

Jesse: Jesse is the final intern (aside from me). He is a hilarious, crazy, bearded, hammocking, guitar player. He leads worship for the students and helps with the praise band on sunday mornings. He has been working at FBCT for about a year, so he's pretty comfortable with everything, which will be a HUGE lifesaver for me. Another fun fact, Jesse is getting married in a month! (cue the 'AWW').

That rounds out the team, expect for me, but you know me already. I will try my very best to update at least weekly, but no promises. I do ask that you all keep me in your prayers, this is going to be a busy and crazy summer. I could certainly use the extra support and encouragement!

-C

5-11-12

     This has been a LONG time coming, but I am very happy to announce that I am HOME FOR SUMMER! That is such a great feeling! I am so looking forward to really getting my summer under way. Gracious.
     This year has certainly been a crazy one. I started college. I made new friends. I lost old friends. I realized precisely why my best friends mean so much to me. I had fights. I thought I was going to lose my mind (several times). I liked a boy (ok, a few boys). I worked my tail off in school. I had days when I didn't work as hard as I should have. I had fabulous successes. I had magnificent failures. I gained some amazing sisters. I found parts of myself. I lost parts of myself. I learned that I'm ok on my own. I grew up, but learned the importance of being silly. I made it. I'm now officially a sophomore in college. That's crazy, isn't it? Can you imagine that I'm going to begin my second year of college soon? I can't. Some days I still feel like I belong in elementary school, but other days I feel like I'm on top of the world. I'm exactly where I need to be. THAT is a good feeling.
     Speaking of great things, I start my Big Kid job in a few weeks!! I absolutely cannot wait to be a part of the church staff, even if it is temporary. The nerves haven't hit me yet, but I know they're coming. The day before I start working I'm probably going to freak out. I have to admit, this is the first job I've had, and I want it to be perfect. I don't want to mess anything up. I want to be good at this. Of course, there is the part of me that knows that it's God's will for me, but there is the other part of me that can't help but be scared of messing it up. I mean, I know that there will be small problems that arise, but overall I'm hoping it will be amazing. Who knows, maybe this summer is going to change my life :)

Taking Back Forever

     I have begun to notice more and more that girls seem to be consumed by the prospect of a relationship. Especially girls in high school. It seems that every time I turn around there is another girl telling the world how happy she is and how she finally has the guy of her dreams, then the next thing I know her heart is broken because he WASN'T perfect like she thought. So many teenage girls are obsessed with forever. They know without a shadow of a doubt that THIS GUY is the one that will be forever. They just know that THIS GUY will stay around. They put everything they have into believing in their most recent forever and then their world is shattered when that forever only lasts a few months.
     Please don't think that I am condemning these girls or making fun of them. That is the furthest thing from the truth. In all honesty, I was that girl in high school. I had the boy that I honesty thought was going to be my forever. I just knew he was the one. I just knew that he would be beside me through everything. I just knew...until I had to end it. Granted, my 'forever' did last longer than most, but I'm still not sure that I would classify that as a good thing. My forever did last almost two years, but that was almost two years that I could have done so much more than worry about my relationship. That was two years that I was mainly focused on him. Yes, school was important and I loved my family more than anything, but he was the main part of my life. We told each other everything. We were always talking. We were in constant contact. We knew every movement of the other person. Looking back on that now, it seems that I should have known better. Right?
     Wrong. I am a firm believer that girls these days get their ideas for 'perfect relationships' from the movies. If I asked most girls what their favorite movies were I can almost guarantee that most responses would include at least one magnificent love story. You know the one I'm talking about. Girl meets boy, Girl likes boy, Girl doesn't want to tell boy, Girl and boy become friends, Girl and boy fight, Girl and boy ALWAYS END UP TOGETHER IN THE END. These movies make for wonderful entertainment and are always a nice pick-me-up when you've had a bad day, but far too many girls have convinced themselves that these movies show exactly how their relationships will turn out. It's supposed to work out, the girl is always supposed to end up with the boy she likes. The girl is always supposed to end up happy. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but these movies are not always true. The boy you like doesn't always like you back. You may end up with your heart broken. You may have to start back at square one when that 'Prince Charming' turns out to not be who you think he is. You just might have to learn how to be happy by yourself before you can even think about your forever.
     I had to do just that and it has been the most amazing and freeing thing I have ever done. I have had to learn to be happy with my God and my family and, most importantly, myself. I have had to learn daily that I DO NOT have to have a boy to be complete. I still struggle with it, but overall I am so much happier. I can see now that, although not all of them are bad, many relationships can be a huge distractions. Girls need to learn first and foremost to be contented with the God who loves them more than the sun, moon, and stars. Every girl needs to take back her forever. After all, it was never hers to give.
    

Sweet Summertime

First of all, I know I've been AWOL lately, and I'm so sorry. I have no life because my schedule stays so busy all the time, but I just wanted to give a little update on my crazy beautiful life. I am almost done with my freshman year of college, which blows my mind on a daily basis. It seems like just yesterday that I was moving all of my things into my tiny room and trying not to cry as my parents left, but at the same time it feels like it's always been this way. I never thought I would be that kid who loved being way from home. I've always been a homebody, so loving college this much surprised me, I won't lie. Anyhow, school and everything is going wonderfully :)

Now, onto what I REALLY wanted to tell you about. This summer will be the first summer that I will be officially employed. I have applies to two different positions and I am so excited to see where God will lead me this summer!

One job I have considered is working as a counselor at the summer camp that I attended as a child. This is a very small camp so I would get to know the children really well, and it would just be a wonderful work environment. The director of the camp, whom I have known for many years, is a wonderful woman and it would be an honor to work under her. She is very strict with her workers, but I prefer work envionments like that, especially when children are involved. I love working with children and being able to mentor and lead them all summer would be such a blessing!

The second job I'm considering is still with children, but more involved. There is a possibility that I will be a summer intern with my children's minister, which would be ideal for me. I have worked with the children at my church ever since I have been able to and I honestly can't imagine spending an entire summer without them. If I were to get the internship I would not only have an incoming salary, which would be nice, but I would also get to see the inner workings of our children's ministry. Not only would I be working all the events and camps that we do for the children, but I would be involved with the plannig and set up of everything. I ADORE working with my kids, but I also love being able to plan things. I've always thrived in a position like that and being able to have a summer filled with it would be fantastic :)

Interview Weekend

I am about to complete one of the single most amazing things that I have ever been a part of. I applied for two positions with the Baptist Student Summer Missions organization and last night and today have consisted of interviews, worship time, and simply getting to know everyone else that is interviewing. I won't lie to you all, because you deserve better, so in the spirit of honesty, I was terrified to come to this weekend. I only knew one person that was coming and, although she is a beautiful, wonderful girl, I was scared silly. I've never been good with getting to know new people and auditions scare the bajeebees out of me. I was certain that I would just be one big bundle of nerves and wouldn't be able to do anything correctly. That is the farthest thing from the truth! Everyone here is very welcoming and the atmosphere is just very calm. I wasn't nervous at all once I got here, got registered, and got settled in. Not only am I not nervous, but I have been extremely outgoing this weekend. I don't know if it's the fact that I know I am exactly where God wants me to be or if college has just changed me that much, but I like it. Last night I was in the activities hall and I started playing a game of Apples to Apples with a group of people there and instead of not talking and staying to myself I was talking to everyone and making jokes just like everyone else. It's the exact same way with the time I've had with the people interested in the DOXA team, like myself. Usually I am very self-concious and do not like hanging out with new people, but the people that I met today were wonderful! I would be truly blessed anywhere God chooses to place me this summer. I pinky that I will let everyone know as soon as I find something out, but until then keep praying!

Pinning

It's official. I am completely addicted to Pinterest. I know everyone says that, but no joke, I can't stop. specifically I have started looking for simple, cute, do-it-yourself(DIY, obviously) jewelry and crafts to make. I had NO IDEA that there were so many gifted women who knew how to make some of the most adorable things, and I also had NO IDEA that they all converged on one website. It truly is mindblowing how many different things you can find on Pinterest. The newest thing that has caught my fancy has been t-shirt crafts. I mean, they are just so simple, and so quick that I can't help but try them out. I have made everything from cute headbands to tote bags. it is insane the adorable things you can produce from an old t-shirt that you have laying around the house. I have wanted an infinity scarf for a while now, but I have never had the money to just go out and buy one(poor college kid, I am), so I was browsing for my next project on Pinterest tonight and I found instructions to make an infinity scarf from an old t-shirt! I WAS THRILLED! it was amazingly simple, and believe it or not, the scarf looks wonderful!  I am so excited to wear it out somewhere I can hardly contain it.

Disney Princess Survey- Megara

This looked like fun :) Every girl is a princess, right?

Belle

[x] You’ve kissed someone your friends didn’t like.
[] You’ve been lost in the forest.
[x] You love to read.
[] You are not shy at all.
[x] One of your family members is a bit weird.
[x] You have done volunteer work.
[x] You have a wild imagination.
[x] You love to take care of people in need.
[] You’ve had guys like you only because they think you’re pretty.
[x] You’ve rejected at least one person when they’ve asked you out.
Total: 7

Rapunzel

[] You’re an orphaned child or have an evil mother.
[x] You have many different hobbies to keep you busy.
[x] You can get really bored.
[] You have very long hair.
[x] Your hair is/was bright blonde.
[x] You’re an artsy person.
[x] You’re childish.
[] You can’t wait to stop the same routine each day and start living.
[x] You care about others and their feelings.
[x] You like to follow the rules.
Total: 7

Alice

[] You have/had a pet rabbit.
[x] You love to play cards.
[x] You constantly know the time.
[x] You get yourself in sticky situations.
[] You have been to a court.
[x] You have fallen asleep while doing your homework.
[] You have had a tea party.
[x] You like hats.
[x] You’re late.
[] You know how to play croquet.
Total: 6

Jasmine

[] Your dad is rich.
[x] You are very clever.
[x] You’ve been with someone way different from you.
[x] You’d never marry someone just because they were rich.
[x] You have set a lot of goals for yourself.
[x] You don’t have a lot of (good) friends.
[] You’re independent.
[] You are wealthy.
[] Your parents try to control your life.
Total: 5

Megara

[x] Your boyfriend/crush is strong.
[] You have gotten involved with the wrong people before.
[x] You are very convincing.
[x] You have fallen in love before.
[x] You have had your heart broken.
[] You find an interest in Greek mythology.
[x] You lie sometimes.
[x] You pretend to be someone you’re not.
[x] You have been used.
[x] Purple is one of your favorite colors.
Total: 8

Ariel

[x] Your parents expect a lot from you.
[] You really try to follow the rules, but it’s hard for you.
[] You’re a bit of a trouble maker.
[x] You love to swim.
[] Your favorite animal is some sort of sea creature.
[] You collect something.
[] You have/had long red hair.
[] You are adventurous.
[x] You’re extremely curious.
[] You believe everything people tell you/you’re a bit gullible.
Total: 3

Aurora

[] You live/have lived with someone other than your parents.
[x] You almost died at a very young age.
[x] You are gentle, loving, and/or thoughtful.
[x] You have a decent singing voice.
[x] You like to sleep in late on the weekend.
[] You spend most of your time outside.
[] You’re adopted.
[x] You’re very romantic.
[] Pink is one of your favorite colors.
Total: 5

Cinderella

[] One of your parents is dead.
[x] You are expected to do a lot of chores.
[x] You love to dress up.
[x] You love animals.
[x] You are waiting patiently for your Prince Charming.
[] Your mom is really strict.
[] You have sisters who seem kind of jealous of you.
[x] You’re afraid to speak your mind sometimes.
[x] You have left your shoes at a friend’s house before.
[x] You have/had blonde hair.
Total: 7

Snow White

[] Sometimes it seems like your mom is jealous of you.
[x] You’ve almost been killed.
[x] You have at least seven good friends.
[] You’ve had food poisoning.
[x] You have/had short hair.
[x] You get along with almost everyone.
[x] All of your friends are different.
[x] You love to have a good time.
[] You’re happier when you’re out of the house than in.
Total: 6

Tinkerbell

[x] You get jealous easily.
[x] You loved your childhood.
[x] You like to fly.
[x] You believe in magic.
[] You’re 5’2” or under.
[] You hate pirates.
[x] You love sparkles.
[] People underestimate you.
[] You get angry easily.
[x] You have/had a treehouse.
Total: 6

Pocahontas

[x] You love to walk around and explore big cities.
[] You are more spiritual than religious.
[] You’ve been in an interracial relationship.
[x] One of your family members is dead.
[x] Your parents are very protective of you.
[] Someone you know has been in the war.
[x] You love nature.
[] You have/had black hair.
[] You would love to move somewhere exotic and beautiful.
[] You’re very adventurous.
Total: 4

Mulan

[x] You can be a tomboy sometimes.
[] People wish you could be a bit more girly.
[x] You’ve pretended to be someone you’re not.
[] You’ve had a physical fight with someone.
[] You have/had considered running away from home.
[] Your parents try to plan your life out.
[x] A lot of your friends are boys.
[x] You sometimes find yourself in bad situations.
[x] You love your family so much that you’d do anything to protect them
Total: 5

Guilty Pleasures

Everyone has at least one, right? I mean, it's just natural. Well, confession time. Mine is......Ghost Hunters. That and Ghost Hunters International. I just love these two shows. I can't help it, they fascinate me. I watch them whenever I have free time. The thing about that is, they kinda scare me. Not that I scream and jump and get crazy, but I do get slightly jumpy, and without fail, I always wind up watching them while I'm home alone. I know better than to watch them, but I just can't help it. I love them. Everyone needs a little scare now and again, right?

Crunch Time

It's about that time. Exam time. Test time. Stress time. This is my first round of exams as a college student and if I'm being completely honest I'm not that worried. My professors have prepared me for everything that I will face in the next week. I know my stuff, and if I don't by now then that's my fault. I have no doubt that my beginning round of college exams will go smashingly! The one thing that even worries me a little bit is my Jury. All that means is that I get to stand in front of a panel of Music Staff, sing a song, and then recieve a grade for my performance, preparation, and musical pieces. It only lasts for five minutes, but it will be the most difficult fve minutes of my life thus far. Wish me luck :)

The One That Got Away

So, I've noticed that everyone who has a romantic past seems to have that one person that 'got away'. You know the one I'm talking about. The one relationship that should have been perfect. The one relationship that was supposed to last forever. The one relationship that you will always beat yourself up about. Everyone has one, right? Whether we admit it to anyone (or ourselves), we all have one. Well, in my usual fashion, I've been thinking about this quite a bit as of late and I'm beginning to wonder something. Do they really 'get away' or do we let them go? I mean, honesty, if someone meant that much to you that you will forever lament their 'getting away' then why did you not do something to stop them from going? Maybe there was never a concious thought of "I'm giving up on this", but at some point that is precisely what happened. You gave up. The end didn't seem to justify the means. It didn't seem worth it to deal with the drama anymore. So, again I ask, did they really get away? Maybe, like we usually do, we're seeing the past as much better than it was. Maybe we're lonely and want someone to want us so we convince ourselves that we had it so good back then. Maybe we like the attention. Maybe this, Maybe that. Whatever your maybe is, remember this. There is a reason that whoever your 'one that got away' got away. They didn't just walk out. Remember that if they had truly been worth it you would have fought more. Don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself, there is something so much better out there for you. Especially don't waste time trying to save something that can't be ransomed. It's over. It will never be the way it was, and that's such a good thing. Move on. Find someone new. Make friends. Step out of your comfort zone a little bit. Do Something a little bit crazy. Live your life. I promise it'll be worth it.

Homeward Bound

Thanksgiving break is almost withing my grasp! I can practically feel all the love that i'm about to be surrounded with. I can practically smell all the amazing food. I can practically hear the yelling at the TV over one football game or another. It's all right there. I can't wait. I know everyone says they're so ready for Thanksgiving break when they're away at college, and I don't doubt that they are, but it's so different for me. Yes, there is a part of me that simply wants a break from my crazy, hectic, insane schedule, but a bigger part of me is just ready to be with my family. I honestly think my Thanksgiving break is going to be just as busy as if I were at school, but it's a completely different type of busy. I don't mind this busy. I don't mind running to all the different houses and family gatherings. I don't care that there is a large possibility that I will be up late basically every night of my break. So many people my age dread seeing their family and having to make small-talk with long-lost cousins. I'm the polar opposite. I can't wait to see my family! I can't wait to see that one particular 'long-lost cousin' who is away at school. I can't wait to talk to all the aunts and uncles and second and third cousins. I didn't see them enough before I went to school, much less now that I only come home every now and again. I'm thrilled to be going home to see my crazy, hectic, busy, loud, obnoxious, huge, child-filled, food-loving family. They're the highlight of my break. Yes, I will have times of simply sitting and not doing a blessed thing, but I guarantee that every one of those moments will be filled with my family. Even if it's just Daddio and me sitting on opposite ends of the couch reading, or my best friend and I having a movie night, or talking with my mom and all of her crazy sisters, I will have them there with me, near me. That's enough for me. That's all I need. I've said it before, I just need to know that you're beside me. I don't need to always be in a heated debate or a serious conversation. As long as I know that they're there, I'll be fine. So, bring on the crazy family and the get togethers and the food and the hectic schedule. I couldn't be more ready than I am right now.

Runnin' Runnin'

i swear all i do is run. you know, like 'run and run until life's no fun'. don't get me wrong, i know exactly what i signed up for when i listed Music Education as my major. i knew that it required long hours and late nights. i knew it was hard work, and i wouldn't change a single moment of it. i love what i do. i all the people that i've met and the amazing 'family' i've found along the way. i am exactly where i need to be right now with exactly the people i need to be with, no doubt, but i am only human. i'm tired. i'm run-down. i need a break. i haven't had much time to just sit and do nothing, what with homework and practice and everything else. i need time to myself. i need some time to sit across from my best friend and just talk about nothing, but everything at the same time. i need time to snuggle up with my Daddio because i haven't in a long time and i miss him. i need time to have dinner with my family. i need time to just watch my cousins play and grow up. i need time to watch movies with my best guy friend because he's far away too. i need time to goof off with my brother and his best friend. i need time to gossip and dish college talk with my mom and her sisters. i need time to sit in my home church and just see how God is using everyone there. like i said, i know i'm where i need to be, but that doesn't mean i don't miss everything. i feel like i'm missing my cousins growing up. my babygirl just turned fourteen. that's terrifying to me. my youngest cousin is walking and talking. i feel like everything is happening all at once and i'm missing it. i know that isn't true, but it's hard to not think that way. i know alot of this is just adjusting to not being there with them everyday and not seeing them at least four times a week, but old habits die hard, right? i'm ready to hear all about their school, whether they're in kindergarten or eighth grade(almost high school???!). i'm ready to just see how amazing God is making them. i'm ready to love on my family for a while. Thanksgiving, let's go :)

DOXA

i was recently presented with an opportunity to apply for a position on a new team with Baptist Student Summer Missions. the team is called DOXA, which means praise. DOXA is made up of five people, mainly students, who go through an intense week of training and then spend anywhere from six to ten weeks throughout the summer traveling all over the state of North Carolina leading worship, bible schools, camps and church services. as soon as i heard about this i jumped at the chance. the representative from the Baptist Students Summer Missions was giving me information and all that i was thinking was 'this is for me. i need to do this'. so, of course, i got my application filled out, got my references lined up, and sent everything in. i am now waiting on my personal interview with the board and whatnot, and then i wait to see whether or not i got the position i wanted. i am terrified. i've never done anything like this before. the prospect of being on the road for six weeks with four strangers scares me. the idea of leading worship for churches around the state scares me. what if i can't handle it? what if i mess up? what if the team doesn't like me? all of these fears and questions are swimming around in my head and constantly bombarding me and it shares the mess out of me. it terrifies me. then i remember that i serve the God that created the universe. and i remember that He loves me. and i remember that He knows the plans that he has for me. plans to prosper me and not to harm me. plans to give me hope and a future. i remember that the God who created the universe and loves me knows EXACTLY what He is doing. He has put me precisely where i'm at right now.He has put the right people in the right places in my life. He has presented me with exactly the right opportunities and if i am given the chance to be a part of the DOXA team He will give me exactly what i need to perform to the best of  my abilities and to the glory of His name. please just keep me in  your prayers as this opportunity unfolds.