Status: NewFresh

That ^ is precisely what was printed in black and white on one of my registration papers this morning as I checked in as an official Mars Hill College student. I have to say, I am thouroughly terrified, but thrilled all at the same time. I can't imagine any other place that I would rather call my 'home-away-from-home' for four years, but I am also slowly beginning to realize that I am on my own. Mom and Daddy aren't here to make sure things get done. I don't have all my old friends right beside me to smile when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I don't really have anyone but me to take care of me and make sure things get done. I have all of the NEW friends that I am so excited to meet. I have professors who are going to support me, but expect me to do things on my own. I have RAs and RDs and my Challenger that are going to be my 'authority' for a while, but really will be more like friends. I have classes that will kick my butt and classes that will be easy as pie. I have a whole new life waiting for me on this small, homey, beautiful, mountainous campus that I am surrounded by. I really am, NewFresh <3

Music is what feelings sound like

These days it seems like every person you pass on the street 'lives for music'. Everyone hides behind that mentality that 'music is the easiest way to express myself'. I can fully associate with music being one of the only things that adequately expresses emotion, but I sometimes think that people devalue the power of music. It is so much more than just a way to 'express yourself'. Music changes things. Music can give you the strength to make that final effort when you're just too exhausted. Music can break you down when you refuse to see how bad something is. Music can give the best kind of comfort when you finally give up something that has been a henderance for as long as you can rememeber. Music can be that soft, quiet, peaceful voice that gives you stability. Music can be your escape from the real world. Music can be the one link that sheds light on a deeper connection between two strangers. Music has the ability to capture a moment perfectly. Music can change your life. Music is what I want to do with my life. It has been since before I can remember. I want, more than anything, to share my love for music with the sweet, precious, impressionable children that will enter my classroom on a daily basis. I want to be witness to music changing a life, saving a life. I hope that God will bless me enough to be instrumental in the changing of a life. Because like I always say, music changes things.

Ideal Love

Ever since I've had the inclination to look at a boy and say 'he's cute, I wonder if he likes me'(which was probably about age six),  I've been hearing all about this sweep-you-off-you-feet, kiss-me-in-the-pouring-rain, consume-all-my-thoughts kind of love and it's been drilled into my brain that THAT is the ideal love. THAT is what all women go for. THAT is what all girls want to find when they grow up and every time I heard it I somehow convinced myself that it was true. I wanted that. I wanted a whirlwind romance that would be a happily-ever-after. Of course I wanted what every girl was supposed to want. Didn't I? NO! I've been spending plenty of time in thought about it, what with my leaving for college in a few short days, and I've come to realize that I don't want that kind of romance. I don't want to be swept off my feet, I have enough trouble staying upright as it is. I don't want to be kissed in the pouring rain, I despise being cold and I'm not that big on PDA. I don't want someone to consume every thought that enters my mind, I have other things that require my full attention. I want someone who can just sit with me.I want someone who knows that God is the single most important thing in my life and is thrilled to have to dive deeper into God just to be able to find me. I want someone who can make fun of me when I slip and fall and understand that I'm ok with laughing at myself, but help me up while we're laughing together. I want someone who understands that I'm not that girl who is ok with kissing and hugging and hanging all over each other while we're in a public place, or ever for that matter. I want someone who gets that I prefer to just hold your hand and know that you're beside me. I want someone who can tell when I'm getting cold, even if I won't admit it, and has a jacket ready for me. I want someone who understands that music moves me and will just sit and let me cry whenever a song hits me just the right way, or the wrong way I guess. I want someone who loves reading just as much as I do and knows just how real the characters in a well written book can become. I want someone who will listen to Frank Sinatra with me and not complain about the 'old people music' that I so adore. I want someone who will sit through a cheesy, black and white movie from the fifties, even if he hates them, just because he knows I love them and he wants to see me smile. I want someone who does silly little things, like leaving me little notes or going out of his way just to say hi to me, instead of the big, flashy, showy things. I want someone who knows that I'm not the girl that has to have all sorts of gifts and expensive things in order for me to like you. I want someone who can quote all the amazing eighties movies that I love and then turn around and quote poetry. I want someone who loves movies, not just the blockbusters that involve car chases and lots of explosions(I love those too, don't get me wrong), but the movies that make you think and process and that leave you talking long after the credits have stopped rolling. I want someone who will see that I've written something like this and rambled on for goodness knows how long and take the time to read ALL OF IT simply because he wants to know every little thing about me. I want someone that I can grow old with and fall a little bit more in love with every day. I want to learn something new about him every day. I want someone who adores my crazy, big, loud, obnoxious family just as much as I do and doesn't mind that anytime we are with them there will most likely be multiple children jockeying for his attention. Simply put, I want the guy that God has specially selected for me. I don't want to settle. I am a princess and I deserve all the wonderful things that my heavenly Father has set before me. I don't want just another whirlwind romance that will leave me feeling empty and restless after a few months. I want my Ideal Love <3

Denial.....

'A refusal to agree or comply with a statement; Contradiction' -World English Dictionary. I honestly think that the definition for this should just be 'the worst feeling in the world'. Especially when it involves a person or a relationship. For instance, knowing that a relationship, even one that has been a huge part of  your life for an extremely long time, is destined to end, but hanging on simply because you don't want to admit that it just isn't the same anymore. Or knowing that a close friend that has been basically a sibling to you is beginning to seem more and more like a relationship prospect, but knowing that you can't do anything with it for fear of losing the friendship. It eats away at you, it drives you insane, you feel like everyone can tell exactly what you're thinking even if you're doing your very best to hide it.  It seems like if they knew then you would lose a huge part of your life. Whether said friend realizes it or not, they have a rather large piece of your heart. I can honestly say that I HATE that feeling. Being helpless is one of my least favorite experiences in the world. I guess sometimes we just have to accept it and move on. Don't let anything hold us back. So, here's to not letting anything hold me back <3

Watch Your Mouth!

William Shakespeare once said 'words without thoughts never to heaven go'. Too often people speak without thinking. They aren't aware of the damage a word can do. Sticks and stones do break bones, but words can wound much deeper. I so desperately wish that I could honestly say 'I will never understand the constant need for young people to curse", but I do understand. I've been that lost, confused freshman who doesn't know which way is up half the time and just wants everyone to like me. I've sat alone and wondered what it would take for someone to want to be my friend. Maybe if I tell this joke, maybe if I say this or that. Maybe it'll happen tomorrow. I've resorted to using every curse word in the book just to get a little laugh or feel like someone is FINALLY accepting me. Thank the Lord that I'm over that stage, but it still pains my heart to see so many young people, young women in particular, using such horrid language. I understand that using words like that is easy, studies have shown that cursing is one of the most primal instincts that we have, but I wish that young men and women would realize that using those words and displaying that language doesn't make you look cool, it makes you look ignorant and uneducated. Worst of all, it shows a severe lack of class. No respectable lady should have a  mouth that could make a sailor blush. There are thousands of languages in the world that all have millions of words in them. It isn't that difficult to find another word that will get the point across, yet still give some indication that the speaker has some level of self control. I wish every day that young people would realize that doing whatever it takes to be 'accepted' by those around them, even if it means demeaning themselves, is not the way to make friends. If the friends you try to involve yourself with require you to make less of yourself then please run away as fast as you can! There will always be someone out there that wants you to live up to their standards and do what THEY want you to do, but we all have to learn at some point to be our own people. There is nothing, no so called friendship, no status, no person, that is worth humiliating yourself and risking the respect of other. Please, just think before you speak

Best Friends....Forever

Everyone has that friend. That one friend that, no matter the circumstances, no matter the fights, the words spoken, the fists swung or the struggles encountered, will be there. Three years could pass between visits, but as soon as you see each other it's just like it was yesterday. I was lucky enough to be blessed with two such friends. I have no intention of being arrogant or rude, but BOTH of my best friends are better than yours. One of them has been around my whole life and I wouldn't trade her for the entire world. She drives me insane most of the time and there has been many a day when I was very tempted to smack her, but she is always there for me. She doesn't judge my choices and she supports me whether she agrees with me or not. She's the one that I would go to for just about anything. She truly is more family than friend, and I wouldn't have it any other way. The other hasn't been around quite as long, but he is just as important to me. I've never really had a male best friend, but he definitely changed all of that. He's the one that I go to for advice. He's the one that can talk sense into me when I'm upset. He's the one who gives me advice on guy stuff. He's the one who is there for me no matter what. I am thankful beyond words for these two people that God has placed in my life. You know that saying 'friends are the siblings God forgot to give us'? Well, all I can say is, true that <3

Big Kid Status :)

I'm eighteen today. I am, for all intents and purposes, an adult. I am also a registered republican voter! I don't know if I'm fully ready for that. The adulthood, not the republican status. It feels wonderful, but at the same time, a little(ok, a lot) scary. I'm basically responsible for myself now. I will be on my own starting one week from today and that is shocking. It seems like it all came up too fast. I can't imagine not asking my parents about going somewhere or doing something. It's exciting, but terrifying. I'm ready to see how this all pans out. So, here's to New Beginnings :)