Unconditionally

     God has a funny way of reminding us of His love and His presence in ways that are not what we would ever expect. If I am being completely honest, school this semester has been a struggle. My heart isn't in it as much as it usually is and that is absolutely terrifying. I have know since the moment that my feet hit this campus my junior year of high school that Mars Hill was where I was meant to be. It was home. I felt safe here. That all changed this semester. Nothing has really changed academically, in fact, I love my classes more than usual this semester, but spiritually and emotionally something is different. My heart is somewhere else and I have no idea where that somewhere else is. I think that may be the scariest part for me, the not knowing. I have always been the one who knew. I knew where I was going to college. I knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Now, God is changing everything and I feel totally lost. It's like I don't know anything and the feeling of utter uselessness that stems from that is paralyzing.

     I suppose I should come full circle to why I am actually writing this. This past weekend I went home for about a day and half partially to see a show, but also because I just needed to get off campus. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something felt wrong and I needed to be at home. I needed to have my family wrapped all around me. I needed that familiar and welcome suffocation of love. I didn't get as much time as I would have liked, but the time that I did have was cherished and well spent. On the drive back Saturday I was dreading getting back into my "School" mindset so, to distract myself, I was scanning radio stations looking for something to listen to. My radio paused on a song that I had never heard, but something made me stop and listen for a while. The song ended up being Katy Parry's new song "Unconditionally" and as I listened God just broke my heart. It sounded eerily familiar and, for whatever reason, I just knew that this was what my heart needed. The song is relatively simple

Oh no, did I get too close?
Oh, did I almost see
What's really on the inside?
All your insecurities
All the dirty laundry
Never made me blink one time

 

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

 

So come just as you are to me
Don't need apologies
Know that you are all worthy
I'll take your bad days with your good
Walk through the storm I would
I do it all because I love you
I love you l love you

 

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

 

So open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart

Acceptance is the key to be
To be truly free
Will you do the same for me?

 

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
And there is no fear now
Let go and just be free
'Cause I will love you unconditionally (oh yeah)

I will love you
I will love you
I will love you unconditionally
so i will love you unconditionally

 

I couldn't help but wonder as I weakly attempted to hold back my tears if this was exactly the message that I refused to hear from my heavenly Father over the past however many weeks that I had been struggling and practically drowning in my own mind. Isn't this exactly what God tells us every day? Isn't this exactly what we refuse to believe, no matter how often we hear it?

 

I think that the second half of the first verse is the most powerful message that Christians and non-Christians alike can ever hear. "All your insecurities, all the dirty laundry, never made me blink one time." It's so matter of fact. It's so simple. It is pure truth that God is telling us daily and we refuse to accept it. Why is that? Are we scared? Are we ashamed? Do we think that once we are totally honest and open about everything that we have done then God will all of a sudden change his mind and walk away from us? He won't! That's the beauty of this message. That's the beauty of God's grace and never ending love. No matter how many times we turn our backs and walk away HE is always there, holding out his arms, pleading with us to hear Him. To accept His offer of unconditional love. Isn't that all we've ever really wanted?