The One That Got Away

So, I've noticed that everyone who has a romantic past seems to have that one person that 'got away'. You know the one I'm talking about. The one relationship that should have been perfect. The one relationship that was supposed to last forever. The one relationship that you will always beat yourself up about. Everyone has one, right? Whether we admit it to anyone (or ourselves), we all have one. Well, in my usual fashion, I've been thinking about this quite a bit as of late and I'm beginning to wonder something. Do they really 'get away' or do we let them go? I mean, honesty, if someone meant that much to you that you will forever lament their 'getting away' then why did you not do something to stop them from going? Maybe there was never a concious thought of "I'm giving up on this", but at some point that is precisely what happened. You gave up. The end didn't seem to justify the means. It didn't seem worth it to deal with the drama anymore. So, again I ask, did they really get away? Maybe, like we usually do, we're seeing the past as much better than it was. Maybe we're lonely and want someone to want us so we convince ourselves that we had it so good back then. Maybe we like the attention. Maybe this, Maybe that. Whatever your maybe is, remember this. There is a reason that whoever your 'one that got away' got away. They didn't just walk out. Remember that if they had truly been worth it you would have fought more. Don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself, there is something so much better out there for you. Especially don't waste time trying to save something that can't be ransomed. It's over. It will never be the way it was, and that's such a good thing. Move on. Find someone new. Make friends. Step out of your comfort zone a little bit. Do Something a little bit crazy. Live your life. I promise it'll be worth it.

Homeward Bound

Thanksgiving break is almost withing my grasp! I can practically feel all the love that i'm about to be surrounded with. I can practically smell all the amazing food. I can practically hear the yelling at the TV over one football game or another. It's all right there. I can't wait. I know everyone says they're so ready for Thanksgiving break when they're away at college, and I don't doubt that they are, but it's so different for me. Yes, there is a part of me that simply wants a break from my crazy, hectic, insane schedule, but a bigger part of me is just ready to be with my family. I honestly think my Thanksgiving break is going to be just as busy as if I were at school, but it's a completely different type of busy. I don't mind this busy. I don't mind running to all the different houses and family gatherings. I don't care that there is a large possibility that I will be up late basically every night of my break. So many people my age dread seeing their family and having to make small-talk with long-lost cousins. I'm the polar opposite. I can't wait to see my family! I can't wait to see that one particular 'long-lost cousin' who is away at school. I can't wait to talk to all the aunts and uncles and second and third cousins. I didn't see them enough before I went to school, much less now that I only come home every now and again. I'm thrilled to be going home to see my crazy, hectic, busy, loud, obnoxious, huge, child-filled, food-loving family. They're the highlight of my break. Yes, I will have times of simply sitting and not doing a blessed thing, but I guarantee that every one of those moments will be filled with my family. Even if it's just Daddio and me sitting on opposite ends of the couch reading, or my best friend and I having a movie night, or talking with my mom and all of her crazy sisters, I will have them there with me, near me. That's enough for me. That's all I need. I've said it before, I just need to know that you're beside me. I don't need to always be in a heated debate or a serious conversation. As long as I know that they're there, I'll be fine. So, bring on the crazy family and the get togethers and the food and the hectic schedule. I couldn't be more ready than I am right now.

Runnin' Runnin'

i swear all i do is run. you know, like 'run and run until life's no fun'. don't get me wrong, i know exactly what i signed up for when i listed Music Education as my major. i knew that it required long hours and late nights. i knew it was hard work, and i wouldn't change a single moment of it. i love what i do. i all the people that i've met and the amazing 'family' i've found along the way. i am exactly where i need to be right now with exactly the people i need to be with, no doubt, but i am only human. i'm tired. i'm run-down. i need a break. i haven't had much time to just sit and do nothing, what with homework and practice and everything else. i need time to myself. i need some time to sit across from my best friend and just talk about nothing, but everything at the same time. i need time to snuggle up with my Daddio because i haven't in a long time and i miss him. i need time to have dinner with my family. i need time to just watch my cousins play and grow up. i need time to watch movies with my best guy friend because he's far away too. i need time to goof off with my brother and his best friend. i need time to gossip and dish college talk with my mom and her sisters. i need time to sit in my home church and just see how God is using everyone there. like i said, i know i'm where i need to be, but that doesn't mean i don't miss everything. i feel like i'm missing my cousins growing up. my babygirl just turned fourteen. that's terrifying to me. my youngest cousin is walking and talking. i feel like everything is happening all at once and i'm missing it. i know that isn't true, but it's hard to not think that way. i know alot of this is just adjusting to not being there with them everyday and not seeing them at least four times a week, but old habits die hard, right? i'm ready to hear all about their school, whether they're in kindergarten or eighth grade(almost high school???!). i'm ready to just see how amazing God is making them. i'm ready to love on my family for a while. Thanksgiving, let's go :)

DOXA

i was recently presented with an opportunity to apply for a position on a new team with Baptist Student Summer Missions. the team is called DOXA, which means praise. DOXA is made up of five people, mainly students, who go through an intense week of training and then spend anywhere from six to ten weeks throughout the summer traveling all over the state of North Carolina leading worship, bible schools, camps and church services. as soon as i heard about this i jumped at the chance. the representative from the Baptist Students Summer Missions was giving me information and all that i was thinking was 'this is for me. i need to do this'. so, of course, i got my application filled out, got my references lined up, and sent everything in. i am now waiting on my personal interview with the board and whatnot, and then i wait to see whether or not i got the position i wanted. i am terrified. i've never done anything like this before. the prospect of being on the road for six weeks with four strangers scares me. the idea of leading worship for churches around the state scares me. what if i can't handle it? what if i mess up? what if the team doesn't like me? all of these fears and questions are swimming around in my head and constantly bombarding me and it shares the mess out of me. it terrifies me. then i remember that i serve the God that created the universe. and i remember that He loves me. and i remember that He knows the plans that he has for me. plans to prosper me and not to harm me. plans to give me hope and a future. i remember that the God who created the universe and loves me knows EXACTLY what He is doing. He has put me precisely where i'm at right now.He has put the right people in the right places in my life. He has presented me with exactly the right opportunities and if i am given the chance to be a part of the DOXA team He will give me exactly what i need to perform to the best of  my abilities and to the glory of His name. please just keep me in  your prayers as this opportunity unfolds.

Teaching

so, a few weeks ago i was given the chance to teach the large group time for our children's ministry at my home church, so obviously, i jumped at the chance. to say that i had been conflicted about what i wanted to do with my life over the last several months would be an understatement. it's seemed like every new thing that i got involved in seemed like a new option. i considered being a worship leader. i considered going into children's ministry. i'm still very seriously considering going into children's ministry. i have thought about double majoring in English and Music Education. I would still love to have an english major under my belt. in spite of all of this confusion i've felt as of late and all the new doors that have opened to me, one thing has remained solid. I AM GOING TO TEACH. whether it's in a classroom teaching music, or standing in front of a room full of precious children i will end up teaching. that has never been a maybe for me. being able to stand in front of our children's ministry in it's entirety and share the word of God with the eager faces of and hearts of all of those beautiful children was one of the single most amazing experiences of my life thus far. that only served to further solidify my knowledge that i am doing EXACTLY what i need to be doing. It was amazing

Simple Joys

these litte snacks make my day. They are delicious and convenient. They taste heavenly. I discovered them a few weeks ago and I LOVE THEM. They seem to make bad days just a little bit brighter. I guess we all need the little things, right?

Amazing

i know it seems like i fell off the face of the planet, and somedays i think that i have, but i pinky swear i'm still here! i'm just so busy it should never be allowed. i recently had my voice division recital, then my juries about a month after that, i'm registering for another insane semester of classes(18 hours, legggo), and i've got my D-Groups, blueprint and all the other things i'm involved in on campus. needless to say, i'm loving college life :)

ok, now onto what i actually wanted to talk about. it always amazes me the way in which God works. there are times when he places your path directly in front of you and there is no doubt as to what you have to do, but other times he simply gives you a litte nudge or is the still, small voice whispering ever so sweetly in your ear. these quiet voices are my favorite. it's so much better when we have to lose ourselves in God to find where he wants us. He's been working on me as of late and I can't wait to see what He has planned <3