Timing is Everything

Gloria Naylor once said 'Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.'
       I've been forced to master this art over the years, and I'd like to think that I've done a pretty good job up to this point, but it seems to have gotten much harder as of late. How am I supposed to respond when one of my best friends is making one of the biggest mistakes of their life? What am I supposed to do when they know that it's a bad choice, but refuses to act to change it because they are so comfortable with the routine of their life? I don't know how much longer I can simply sit by and be ready to pick up all the pieces. It hurts me to see them getting so hurt and not be able to do anything to remedy it.
       Some days I feel like I have to be the one that always has everything together because otherwise everything would just collapse around us. I have to be strong so that they will all have someone to fall back on. I can never let my pain show because then they couldn't come to me. That isn't an easy position to be in. It drives me insane most of the time, but I still do it. It seems like my obligation. Does that make any sense at all? Yeah.....I didn't think so.

Knee Deep in the Water Somewhere

So, I'm not the biggest fan of the beach, but I LOVE our annual family vacations. We come to this tiny, secluded island off of Florida, we rent a huge house, and we spend seven full days completely away from everything. It's magical. That's one thing that I really love about having a big family like mine. There are about twenty-some people in our house right now and it's crazy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. My mom's parents, my family, my three aunts and their families, my dad's mom, and so many kids most people would lose their minds. I love it. All of it. Sometimes the kids can be a little bit overwhelming, but they are all wonderful and I am so lucky to have this time to spend with them and pour into them. Not only the kids, but all of my aunts and other family members that I get to spend good quality time with. Having the time to just sit around and talk is one of the biggest blessings in my life. I learn things about my family's past that I never would have had the time to learn about otherwise, and as I get older I find myself included in more and more conversations between the adults of the house. All of these people are such amazing influences on my life that I wouldn't trade this week for anything in the world. This week, every year, truly is the reason that I sometimes wish I was 'knee deep in the water somewhere' <3 

meh....

So, have you ever had that one person that you know will always have a huge piece of your heart, and they mean the world to you, but sometimes you just want to strangle them? Yeah, me too. I'm dealing with mine right now. It's like, one day everything is fine and you're talking and not a care in the world and then all of a sudden one of you gets mad over something silly and you just won't let it go and the next thing you know you haven't spoken for a week and everything seems ruined. I mean, let's act like we're five. Honesty. It just hurts more than anything else because it makes me think that either, 1) I'm just not good enough and not worth wasting the time on, or 2) none of the numerous things that were said mean anything. Honesty, I'm not sure which one hurts worse. If I'm not worth the time then why waste so much of it on me? What's the point? Why not move on and find someone who you're actually willing to invest time into and let me do the same? And, if nothing that was said actually means anything then why say it in the first place? Was I just a pawn to make you feel better about yourself? Was I a prop? It's just ridiculous and it hurts more than I ever thought walking away could.......

Here goes nothing.....

    so, I've never really done anything like this before, but I just needed a place to put down some of my thoughts. There is just so much going on in my life that I need access to one thing that I have full control over. I need to know that there are still a few precious things that aren't going crazy.
     I guess I should give a little intro about myself.
   I am about to begin one of the most exciting chapters of my life, also known as College. I'm not really sure how it's going to go, but regardless, I am ready to get away. Don't get me wrong, I adore my family and I wouldn't trade them for anything on God's green earth, but I think everyone reaches a point when they are just ready to get out and try a few things on their own. I've hit that point and I am beyond ready to get on with the journey that God has planned for my life.
     Oh, that's another important fact about me. I am a christian. That doesn't mean that I go and sit in a church once or twice a week and then do whatever I please the rest of the week. No. That means that I do the very best that I can, with the help of my heavenly father, to live out what I profess. I don't always get it right. I mess up, quite regularly. I'll never try to convince you that I'm perfect because I know better. I'll simply live my life to the glory of the one who made me. You don't have to agree with that, but disagreement will not make me back down. I know that in this day and age it's not always the 'cool' thing to do to profess to be a christian, but I've never really been one to do what everyone else is doing. I know that God has a plan for my life and I absolutely can not wait to see what it is.
   Back to college, I am excited, but at the same time I am scared out of my mind. There is always that creeping fear in the back of my mind that I will completely fail and not do any of the amazing things that I want to have the chance to do. Everyone says that it's just jitters and nerves, and I believe them, it's just still an extremely scary thought. I guess I'll just have to hold on tight and wait and see what God's got in store for me. That's really the main reason I started this blog. I need somewhere to put down the things that are going on in my life as I fight my way through this insane transition and I feel like this may actually make a difference for someone else someday, if I'm so lucky. I hope that my struggles, heartbreaks, smiles, and triumphs will be even a small inspiration for someone else out there that might be going through something, anything, similar.
    so, like the title says, here goes nothing.......wish me luck <3