Highs and Lows

Any type of new adventure is bound to have high points and low points. That's just the way life works. I knew what I was getting into when I accepted the position here in Trussville. I knew that I would have really great moments and that I'd have moments that weren't too great. That was inevitable. I did not, however, expect some of those moments to happen simultaneously. Is that even possible? Is it possible to have a great moment and a not so great moment at the same time? Well, it is. It happened. To me.

I prefer to hear bad news first so there's nowhere to go but up, so I'll start with lows.

 The low moments have been mostly personal, especially within the last few days. I had to have a really difficult conversation with someone that I really care about last night and it was not a good time. If you know me at all, then you know that I HATE confrontation. I am not the person who is ok with telling someone when I'm mad or upset with them. I don't want to cause problems or make a situation worse, so usually I walk away for a few minutes and keep my mouth shut. I had already tried that approach with this situation, so I  had to bite the bullet and confront this person with how I was feeling. The conversation was tough and there were tears involved and I felt worlds better after, but the time leading up to the phone call was absolutely miserable. I was literally making myself sick thinking about having to make this call. I dreaded dialing that number and putting the phone to my ear. I had no idea how this person would react and that was scary. Not knowing results is also a tension point for me, so all of that piling up was draining all of my energy.

Another low point for this week was homesickness. I ADORE my family. I am probably the ultimate homebody. My ideal evening is sitting on the couch with mom and daddio, watching a movie, eating popcorn. That sounds absolutely HEAVENLY to me. It's not just mom and daddio, either. I would love to do that with pretty much any member of my family. They are, without a doubt, the most important thing in my world, so not having them with me has been really difficult. I love Trussville and the people that I have met here and the students who have taken me in and accepted me in all my awkward glory and for the longest time I wasn't homesick in the slightest. That may seem silly, but that's an enormous deal for me. Usually I'm ready to pack up and roll out by the time I've been away from home for about three days, so making it three WEEKS without homesickness creeping in was amazing. Even now, my homesickness isn't cripling, but it's there and it's noticable. One thing that has been a trigger for it has been Wagon Wheel. It's on the radio all the time, so it's an almost constant reminder of home. That hasn't been easy, but I've learned to sort of use it as encouragement instead of detriment. My team at work and my amazing host family have certainly served to lessen the pain and I am forever thankful for them and their willingness to take me in a love me like I was one of their own.

So, there are my low points. Now for the fun part. My high points!

I got a VERY exciting phone call on saturday. My best friend! For some reason we decided that we wanted to torture ourselves this summer and pretty much go for weeks and weeks without speaking. That was a bad plan. He is up in Maryland right now teaching archery and ropes courses to eleven year old boys (bless his heart) and, as you can imagine, that takes up pretty much all of his time. Not only is he busy, but most of the time he doesn't even have his phone on him or near him, much less facebook. Hearing from him was exactly what I needed.

I feel like I brag on my work team all the time, but believe me, they are fully deserving of it. Megan spoke sunday night at our high school house church and oh my stars, it was phenominal. She opened up herself and let God use her and speak through her and did he ever! I never thought that comparing Christians and the gospel to a pair of work pants would make any kind of sense, but it was perfect. God's presence was so powerful in that living room full of eager high schoolers that you could almost taste it. Not only did Megan allow herself to be a blessing, but then the high school girls in our smaller group session were wonderful. I sat in the back of the group and just sort of observed and God pointed every single word that these beautiful girls said straight to my heart. They didn't even know it, but they were feeding me and pouring into my heart in exactly the way that I needed. I am so blessed by this youth group that sometimes it steals my words.

Finally, tonight. I am absolutely exhausted sitting here in the floor of my little room, but it is the most beautiful exhaustion I think I have ever felt. I had to opportunity to speak at middle school house church tonight. That was monumental for me. God has placed a call on my heart to middle school ministry and/or teaching and tonight was the first time that I was able to put that call into action in an actual, structured, large group, teaching setting. In a spirit of honesty, I was nervous. I was self-concious. I wanted the students to listen to what I had to say. I wanted them to like ME. I quickly came to the realization that the students liking ME wasn't what mattered as I planned out what I would say. These precious middle schoolers needed to hear whatever God wanted to say through me tonight. The topic was being a lukewarm Christian, which is never an easy topic for anyone, much less middle schoolers, who build thier entire lives around what their friends and peers think and do. It is so easy for students their age to get caught up in being 'good enough' to get by and not actually make God the most important thing in their life. My prayer tonight was that God use me to bring his message and that I speak the words that he gave me in love, not in judgement and I think He did. I have a very strange relationship with public speaking. I get stage fright. I psyche myself out leading up to whatever I have to do and make myself insanely nervous. I always have, which is funny, because the calling that God has placed on my life requires me to stand in front of groups of people and speak on a pretty regular basis. God certainly has a funny sense of humor. Anyhow, whenever I have to speak somewhere I get so nervous I can hardly stand it right up until I open my mouth. As soon as I actually start talking I am an entirely different person. I can confident and steady and solid. That is all God. There isn't any other explanation for it. I pray that the message that I brought tonight was used in the students' lives exactly how God needed it to be.

So, that's what my life has been like the last few days. I sometimes feel like I can't catch my breath, but I am loving every moment of this. I'm still not entirely sure why God put me where he did this summer, but I am starting to see small pieces of a bigger whole. I am anxiously awaiting whatever God has around the next corner and I'll try my best to keep you informed.

-C